cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
