I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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