I think i peed on brittanys purse
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
