Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
