One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
