No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
