She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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