it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
