she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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