it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
