batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I can't turn off my feet"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
