Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize