all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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