So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
