i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
