im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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