i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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