ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
