She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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