On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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