You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
