why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
His nipple licking is glorious
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
