what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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