So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize