no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
