This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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