I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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