Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
