Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize