i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
40s are totally the cure
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
