Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
