im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
