so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
