Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
