I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
