so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
