Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
