Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So squirting runs in the family.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
