bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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