i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize