I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
