I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
