cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
