So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
