loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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