I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
