Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
