literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
