I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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