He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
