Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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