he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
