In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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