Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
