It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
