Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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