my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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