I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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