do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
