I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
