You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
