those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
