i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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