so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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