none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
