i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So here I am, sexting at work.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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