Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
