I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
