dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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