butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
