im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
